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continuation of Keeping the Family Alive Part I (click here for Part I)

One of the greatest ways we have in dealing with challenges above is our attitudes. I have to admit I can be a brat at times and ultra stubborn. I can overreact and get down or emotional. My hubby has his streaks of German stubbornness that sometimes are a help and other times don’t. But the greatest assets we use are his positive attitude, our desire to continually learn, our love of change, a solid dose of humility and a servant’s heart.

I love my family as they are a key part of my life. That goes without saying for the majority of Filipinas. No matter the distance, you will find a way to remain a part of their lives. Is it tough when you can’t be there for them? No doubt, but you have to always keep your eyes on the bigger picture. If this country holds, we can do more for them here than to be in poverty there with them. We can make a difference in the future. This form of sacrifice is nothing new to a Filipina or Filipino. But I’d be lying if I said there were not plenty of sleepless nights and tears shed. I love my family in the Phils and elsewhere.

How does my hubby communicate with them? There is a mutual understanding between them. They know he cares in how he treats me and what he does for them. The same feelings are returned. For not speaking a common language, they are rather close.

Moving here, I was met with open arms by Goryo’s parents. My first month was spent with them as I started to learn about the USA. Their kindness is amazing. Sure, they do not have the frame of reference to fully understand life in the Philippines but we can’t all be perfect can we? The best way is of bridging gaps is through a servant’s heart with the love, respect and honor that they have earned. They have not led an easy life for many different reasons. Our relationship has grown and changed over the years. They are humans like the rest of us with a definite German stubbornness that was passed down to their son. As for his siblings….well…let’s not go there.

As a unit, we continue to forge new friendships with people we can trust as God places them into our lives. The few we had before have stayed with us despite the many miles between.

As for me, my first month was filled with adventure and changes and frozen noses. But I had to embrace change as it was all around me. Nearly everything was different except for the love and acceptance I received from those in my life. Goryo and his parents were very thoughtful in helping me to acclimate to this culture. Goryo especially shielded me from some of the worst behaviors and weather until I said I was ready for more.

How did he deal with all of the changes? He had a few moments of mourning as he watched his bank account decreasing- yah know having a family is not always mura or cheap. But he lives to serve others and especially me. His positive attitude and thinking of nearly every possible challenge I may face made the transition easy. He went with the flow and embraced the change. But he still won’t touch the tilapia with the heads still on. He draws the line at eyeballs, tentacles and bugs. He will always keep me on my toes as his wit has earned him the name of ‘bugger’.

So how about you? How do you keep the family alive?

Thank you and have a wonderful weekend,

Anah

This entry was posed to me as a challenge. So let me do my best.

Being a legal immigrant, there are a number of challenges that have faced me on the family front in its many different ways. The life in Wisconsin and the USA is 90% different than the Philippines. My father and siblings are back in the Philippines along with all of the massive number of relatives there. My in-laws live 3 hours from where we do and when we began Goryo didn’t had next to no friends in the area.

It started with no friends, no family, in a totally different culture in a country I didn’t want to go to except for the reason my hubby is here. He didn’t have hardly any friends or family as economic issues forced him to move to the SE corner of Wisconsin for personal reasons. Sure, he knew some people but he wasn’t all that close to many.

The challenges did not stop there. Shortly after arriving here I had to contend with my father going through a serious medical issue, my siblings each having medical issues and I couldn’t be there for them because of immigrations. My frustrations ran very high and I even once thought about walking back to the Philippines. (Granted thousands of miles and the Pacific Ocean were a bit of a barrier.) His work went sour and his feet started falling apart. The start of our marriage was full of issues.

I have a set of loving parents. My Mom has been in more countries so she understands the challenges of international life. My father hasn’t been to another country much less the USA. My father-in-law has been to other countries but not a third world. My mother-in-law has barely been on a plane and Canada might be the only other country she has barely set foot in. What does that mean?

Anyone who has been to another country or gone through the long international relationship thing can testify to this. You can read all you want about life in another country. You can watch all you want. You can talk about all the possible things but you will never fully understand until you have been there. So there is a barrier in communication as not all have similar experiences enough to understand where the other is fully coming from. In the same way, I have some phone and email contact with my parents and siblings but we all know that isn’t the same thing as being there for them.

So how do you overcome all of those challenges and keep the family alive? I’m not done spelling out a few more challenges. My hubby really walked into an unfair language issue. Our household in the Phils and all of the relatives speak a total of seven different dialects including Tagalog. He never knows which one is being spoken when. On the flip side, my Dad and siblings are hesitant on speaking to him because their spoken English sucks. Goryo’s parents do not speak a different language. His siblings are…well…let’s not go there.

to be continued…

Anah

The more bad news on the economy crosses the online news websites; the more I get curious as to the cause. I have read and heard many different causes and blame thrown around. It is enough to make your head spin with all of the bickering and fighting over who is to blame and what is the cause. Since I’m still trying to fully learn how this country works, I asked my hubby for his opinion. I feel it is best to put it completely here. Please be warned though, he is incredibly blunt. You know where he stands and he doesn’t shy away from it.

“The answers on who is to blame and what caused it are easy to find if a person is not ignorant, a liar or an easily manipulated fool. The answers are found in the US Constitution and the Library of Congress. The citizens of the USA are to blame for failing to do their civic duty and keeping the government in check. The media and the public schools are to blame for misleading the public with the intent to control and manipulate them. Congress makes the laws, not the President. The President signs and enforces the laws crafted by Congress. The President can create an Executive Order but it only applies to the Executive branch. Only the House of Representatives has control over the budget and expenditures. Both parties, Congress and a number of Presidents are at fault but it comes down to the citizens not doing their duty and keeping the politicians in check.”

Okay, I said he’s blunt. The US Constitution spells out the duties of each branch and the limitations on them. When you read and understand it, you quickly realize that it was written to seriously limit the powers of the federal government including the Supreme Court. Politicians do not always follow it. When they don’t and intentionally work around it, they are violating their oath of office and the public’s trust. In any company, that is called insubordination and is grounds for termination. But the HR Department in this case is the citizens of the USA. We do have a report card on their performance in the Library of Congress. How the members of Congress voted and what got signed into law and what got vetoed is a matter of public record. We just have to read it.

Some try to blame President George Bush (Republican) for the current economy and the Iraq war. Well, that would be wrong. Neither is to blame for it. I turned to my hubby for more pointers on this.

“One of the greatest mistakes made by many is trying to define the events going on today in terms of their life and experiences. That is a critical mistake as that is ignoring history and all of the factors that go into what happens. A 25 year old Filipino would be complete in error thinking the Philippines are the way it is because of events in the last 5-10 years. It is a combination of the history of the Philippines starting to the pre-Spanish days, the Spanish rule, Jose Rizal, the invasion of the Japanese and being freed by the USA forces in WWII, and all of the decisions of their Congress and Presidents. Economic decisions take time to see their full effect. Usually, it takes 8 or more years and almost always the impact is not felt until the President who signed the Congressional bill into law has left office.”

Could we use the money spent in Iraq to fix the economy here? No. The vast majority of the funds are debt and not from the General Fund. Does it help our debt load? No. But you do not improve your debt load by making it bigger. So it isn’t the cause or the solution. It just adds on to the debt problem.

Please scroll down for Part 2..

Thank you,

Anah