Decisions on Family Matters Part 2

Written by Anah in Thursday, October 2nd 2008 under Family Matters

Part two of Decisions on Family Matters….

There is another challenge that can be faced and it comes in the form of siblings. For hubby, he has siblings. If you are an only child, these issues are pretty straightforward. You are the one who is responsible to help out your parents because there is no one else. When there are two or more siblings though you have to somehow work together for the betterment of the lives of their parents.

I am not even going to try to imagine what it would be like to have to tend to a mother-in-law and a father-in-law who have divorced and remarried. That is out of my experience to comment on. I can only imagine the fun related to the confusion of who does what for which parent. But that still requires an assumption of all siblings being responsible adults. The distances between siblings and parents must also be factored in as often families are scattered around the states pursuing jobs.

That is a challenge faced by a number around the country. Can you trust the other siblings to want to truly help and not harm the elderly parents? In some cases, that answer is a no.

Perhaps there is one “black sheep” in the family that doesn’t even communicate with them anymore. If that is the case, it is fairly easy to know they are not to be counted on even if they ever show up again. I know there are some who only care about themselves to such a degree they could care less about their parents. It is sad but a reality. I’ll never understand those who can do that.

Another potential is a sibling may be a little touched in the head themselves. Then you have a bit more of a challenge as dealing with their mental tendencies complicates matters. Hopefully they tend to their own issues. It is also possible of having a sibling that is addicted to alcohol or drugs causing similar issues.

It is entirely possible there is a sibling that harbors hatred or ill will towards the parents for whatever reason. Then it falls upon you and your spouse to not only to take care of his parents but also to shield them from the actions of that sibling. I can imagine such a situation would be very trying on family ties and bordering on legal action to protect the parents. Is that a situation a Filipina who married into the family would like to deal with? Never, but it is a possibility.

Lastly, it is possible some siblings exist only looking to get their inheritance or whatever property or money they can get out of their elderly parents. I know my bana has seen it happen in the past with others. It is something we are guarding for and preparing for if it should happen. In Wisconsin, those actions fall under a crime of “elderly abuse.” Anything is possible in the USA.

Let me wrap this session of thinking out loud by wishing everyone a prayer of simplicity. I pray that your life and future of tending to your elderly in-laws will go as peacefully and uneventfully as it can.

Please pray for us din as this may be a wild ride.