Okay, I have to admit the title to this one isn’t all that original as I am highlighting the book The Art of Understanding Your Mate by Cecil G. Osborne, D.D. This book is a best seller that looks at marriages from a realistic standpoint.

Here is a brief summary of what the book and other books by the same author explain. Before you can understand your mate, you first must be able understand yourself. Until you figure yourself out, it is hard to figure others out. That just sets you up for failed relationships.

Why is that? The author goes into many details ranging from why there are incompatibilities, 8 kinds of neurotic men, and 8 kinds of neurotic women that need help. If you do not understand where you are coming from, it is hard to pick out a “good choice” of a mate. Those with any neurosis listed typically make for a miserable life. Understanding is lost, communication breaks down, and trust goes by the wayside and eventually so does the marriage. Reading through the book, you can easily identify a number of people in your life that fit one category or another. It is possible that you could see yourself in one of the generic people described and find out what you need to work on. I would have no idea.

The author also goes into a basic 10 Commandments for Men and another set of 10 Commandments for Women. You might wonder when this book was written. The answer would by 1970. But here is a key detail in all of this. Times and technology may change but the mystery of marriage lingers. The relationship of a husband and wife has been one of the most studied and thought about topics. How does a good marriage work? What goes into it? These questions have been thought about for a long, long time. Times may change but men and women don’t at the core. As the saying goes, the more things change the more they stay the same.

The book also highlights another key detail that is a problem for the vast majority all throughout time. We make the mistake of trying to make another person, thing, event, or issue be what we want it to be by forcing our opinions on he, she, or it. Such an approach leads to misunderstanding and conflict as all that does is insult the person as we do not take them for who they are but try to force them to be what we want. It doesn’t work for a healthy relationship. It never has worked nor will it work. All you do is pick a needless fight. When it is about an issue, thing or event, our opinions could very well be (most likely) in the wrong. We then look like a fool trying to figure out why something didn’t work the way we wanted it to work. For some, it never dawns on them the world isn’t defined according to their opinions.

(Imagine watching someone trying to push a door open when it says Pull. Instead of reading the directions, they get upset that it isn’t working the way they want it to. In the USA, arrogant dunces like that would end up suing the business and possibly winning. In the rest of the world, we’d either laugh at them politely or give them the verbal equivalent of a smack on the back of the head.)

Thanks,

Anah

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