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Earlier this year, I had posted Tough Choices and Tough Love Part I and Part II as well as Enabling and Rescuing vs. Tough Love. Now, it is time for a brief update on how some of this plays out.

People that you love can drive you up a wall when you know what they are doing will eventually come back to hurt them. As I mentioned before, tough love is tough because it is hardest on you.

To quote my opening paragraph:

“Tough love is a term in the USA and some other places that mean a series of choices you have to make to help someone grow. The reason it is called ‘tough’ love is because you have to go against your desire to help, step back, and watch a person you love hurt themselves badly with their choices. You have to let them toughen up while you have to stay tough enough to let them fall.”

Sometimes that fall is fatal. Sometimes that fall is hitting the absolute bottom in the form of a prison sentence or watching their family fall apart. It comes in many forms but you can see when the bottom hits if you care enough and love them enough to stay by their side.

In the case of one person we know of and care for deeply, that person has been hit with a significant injury that will alter their life. My husband and I know how it impacts a family as it hit him a little over 4 years ago. Any significant injury that has a permanent impact on your life or a real permanent disability makes you re-evaluate your choices and future. If you are lucky, you have someone by your side to help you deal with the challenges.

If that disability hits someone you have been trying to help but had to patiently wait with the tough love, then it becomes a potential opening in helping them back up to their feet.

I know my bana told me about what happened to him a couple of times. It has likely happened to each one of us perhaps once. If it hasn’t, it will. That is when you are faced with a very bad time in your life, those who are using and abusing you will abandon you. You are damaged and no longer usable. You find out who your real friends are and who truly cares. Often, that number comes as a shock as the amount of individuals who are your real friends and who truly care is low.

When the times count the most, who you can count on become very clear. Sometimes it is clear enough to break through the haze that had them distracted for so long.

Tough love is tough. But it is worth it all in the end. Tough love is described in a way in the Bible too. It has a special term which I will write about tomorrow. It is called Agape love.

Thank you,

Anah